If I was a Millionaire

Last night my husband, brother-in-law and I participated in our town's Relay for Life (we were on team Hosers with the fire department my husband is on) . It's such a moving experience on so many levels. The Survivors walk around the track and everyone stands around and cheers them on. They are the faces of Cancer, young and old. Many walking with supportive family members, a spouse, a parent, and some with their young children. It really puts things in perspective and helps you realize you should be happy for your health and everything you have in life.

It makes me think. I am a strong believer of "pass it on." Many of our friends and family are willing to help us pursue our dream of IVF. I hope everyone knows that is willing to help that we are the type of people who appreciate SO much every ounce of energy someone puts into helping us and we plan to "pass it on" in ANY way that we can.

My ultimate dream would be to start a charity for families who give birth to stillborn babies to help them cover the cost of medical expenses. I can't imagine the pain of losing a baby (after realizing how people feel who want one SO badly). I then can only imagine the pain of receiving medical bills for your deceased baby weeks and months after their death. I would think it would be like mourning their death over and over, not to mention the stress of then paying for such a painful experience.

I only know how my medical bills have piled up this last year and quite frankly it is an annoying way to spend our money, especially when money is so tight so we can save for IVF. Of course it would be easier for me to achieve this dream if I was a millionaire or won the lottery! Possibly someday I could start something on some level with good fortune.

What would you want to do if you were a millionaire to help other people?

Article for Friends and Family

This recent article in Self magazine sheds some light on infertility. It's a good read for friends and family of couples suffering from IF. So many women complain about having to explain IF to everybody and it does get tiring. I will break down the article further in the future because it makes some good points. Enjoy the read. Find other blogs to follow at the link above.

Disgrace to the IF world

Self magazine has an article in their current issue that actually is shedding some light on infertility. I will blog more about it later because the article makes some very good points and it is a good read for people who can easily get pregnant to understand what infertile couples go through. However, Elle recently published this article; which is a disgrace to the IF world! Man, I wish there was a place to respond because I would give the author and Elle a piece of my not so fertile mertile mind! First, how can you go through fertility treatments and not understand the risk of multiples? The author of this article is so naive it is unbelievable. The focus of article is on how unappreciative the woman is that she got pregnant in the first place and that her and her husband are actually upset they got pregnant with twins. She claims they didn't understand the risks and they can't afford or handle twins. They eventually eliminate one of the babies - even after being so far along that they could tell the sex of the baby. Second, I understand the purpose of the article was not to focus on infertility treatment, but the author took the significance of the treatments for grated. She even stated that her husband's "crap" insurance paid for 3 rounds of IVF. REALLY? That is the BEST crap insurance I have ever heard of. That kind of crap insurance would change my life forever right now! Her terminology is often not even correct and makes the process sound as easy as going to the doctor and getting your blood pressure taken. Third, what kind of SANE people who have suffered from infertility would ever even CONSIDER eliminating a baby when you were pregnant with only twins? (unless there were serious medical reasons) If the purpose of the article was to debate the issue of selective reduction and the struggles that couples face it should NOT have been written about a couple pregnant with only twins! The reality is that MOST couples who suffer from infertility would be ecstatic to become pregnant with a singleton or twins. After going through infertility MOST couples appreciate the complexity of the process and would gladly accept any child as a gift from God. It's too bad that an article like this makes the IF world seem like they take things for granted when it is actually the opposite. I wish Elle would look into better sources next time! There are SO many beautiful stories out there that could be told - some with happy endings and others' aren't so fortunate but we seem to stick together no matter what.

Good luck!

I had my last crazy lady shot yesterday! AHH, momentous, 6 months of shots over with! Once a month I would have to leave work early to make my monthly visit, get my weight, get my shot, and usually a small chit chat with my doctor; then I would turn around on my way out and make my next appointment. It became routine. Since this was my last shot I only had a lab only appointment and I was thoroughly disappointed when some stranger [nurse] called my name. I was already to say "thank you" and "good bye" and "see you when I am pregnant" to my usual nurse whom I had bonded with over the last 6 months. She knew everything that I had gone through, she knew my cycle in and out, she knew all the symptoms I had been having, etc. While I am sure this stranger-nurse also could read my story I didn't feel like she had been with me through it all. To her I was just another needle in the arm! And finally, when it was all said and done, she gave me a "good luck!" As I walked out of the doctor's office I paused and became teary eyed. Did she understand the ramifications that "good luck" may have? Did she understand that "good luck" meant that my next visit to that office would hopefully be to hear a baby's heart beat? Did she understand that if I did NOT have "good luck" that meant that I would be back only for my yearly visits and probably eventually for a hysterectomy because I would deem my girl parts useless and nothing but a nuisance? I am sure that IVF is mostly science and that in all actuality there is little luck involved. However, to a point I believe there is some luck, faith, hope, karma, fate; however you would like to put it, involved. It's just funny how much that one little saying in just one little moment of my day had SO much meaning behind it! So to all my IF friends "good luck!"

Turning 30

So I turned 30 in May and I have to admit I wasn't really looking forward to it. Growing up 30 sounded so old. I can remember my parents when they were in their 30s! Growing up I had pictured 30 much different than what it really is. I figured by the time I was 30 I would be doing PR or Marketing for the Milwaukee Brewers, I would live in a nice house, drive a nice SUV, be married and have 2 children and a dog! WRONG! I am now 30, married for my second time, live in a small ranch house, drive an okay car, do marketing for a small company, and have a 1 1/2 year old yellow lab. BUT I am happier than I have ever been and I look forward to my 30's being the best years of my life! Probably the biggest thing I have learned in my 30 years is that life doesn't always play out the way you planned it! Life is a roller coaster filled with ups and downs. And I believe fully that everything happens for a reason. You may not always understand what the reason may be right away but eventually you will realize. Here's to 30 - the best decade of my life YET!

Our Baby - For Now

Many couples get a dog as a "trial" run for having children. Having a dog can train couples that it's not always possible to just get up and go away for the weekend. Disciplining a dog and deciding what is best for your dog can teach communication skills to couples. We are no exception but I feel we have had enough practice now!

• The dog is always well fed with fresh water and raw hides on hand
• The dog is disciplined when he is naughty
• We take the dog on lots of walks, we play fetch with him, and he owns lots of toys
• The dog is not home alone for longer than an 8 hour work day
• The dog is groomed and taken to the vet regularly
• We even clean up dog poop from the yard and dog hair from the house

He is a very happy and well taken care of puppy - am pretty sure we have the situation under control. Can we have a baby now?

Summer Fun

This weekend my husband and I spent the weekend camping with some high school friends of mine and their families. It was a beautiful, relaxing weekend, just like all Summer weekends should be! It's always nice to spend time with friends that have known you for a very long time. Even if you haven't seen each other in a while it's like you can pick right up where you left off. We met with our families to celebrate our turning 30 this year! Such a milestone. My friends all brought their beautiful little children and I had my child along (hubby) to play in the pool, take rides on the golf cart, and roast marshmallows around the campfire. It was the epitome of a summer weekend. I think we have started a tradition. It was so much fun to spend time with my friends' children for an extended period of time. Once they warmed up to the "strangers" it was hard to end play time and go to bed for the night. It was also nice to see hubby in "daddy" mode. It's possible that at next year's trip we will either be very pregnant or have a newly little one so we will have to play it by ear but regardless I look forward to another perfect summer weekend!

The 10 Second Rule

And NO, I am not talking about when you drop food on the floor and you have 1o seconds to pick it up before it becomes contaminated! My husband and I have our own 10 second rule. Every day you must participate in AT LEAST ONE 10 second rule. If one partner chooses to execute a 10 second rule both partners must engage in kissing, hugging, a back rub, gazing into each other's eyes, etc. Basically you must concentrate and show affection to your partner for 10 seconds in a row with no interruptions. This includes but is not limited to: no dog squeezing his way in between you, no gazing at the dirty dishes wondering when the cleaning fairy will appear, and no ball game on mute in the background! If any interruption shall occur your 10 seconds starts all over again. Now sometimes such an act may seem "silly" to you and your partner. If laughter should erupt, it is okay because you are still engaging in each others attention in a positive light. If you or your partner have had a particularly difficult day the 10 second rule becomes even more crucial. The purpose of the rule is to show each other how much you appreciate the other; even if the day has been stressful! It's the little things in life that mean the most like holding your partner close, saying I love you after an argument, or laughing so hard at each other's jokes that you snort!

Angels on Earth

I have said it before and I will probably say it a million times again but I am TRULY blessed to have wonderful friends and family who support us! Today at work I got an e-mail from a friend, she asked what I was up to. I was a little stressed out at work and not feeling well so I complained to her a bit. She then asked me if I wanted to hear something that would make my day a little brighter? Honestly, the first thought that crossed my mind was that she was going to tell me that someone we knew was pregnant - and to be honest I was at the point in my day where it would have made me cry. I reluctantly asked her what it was that was going to "brighten" my day. She then replied with an e-mail explaining that behind my back she had been planning a fundraiser for DH and I to help off set medical bills and the cost of IVF! I was floored, I immediately began sobbing but for a GOOD reason! I was overwhelmed with emotion and it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I am not usually one to ask for help but just to know that that many people care and love for you is enough support. The financial burden that couples face with infertility is not fair. It enrages me every time I get a bill in the mail saying that insurance has denied my claim stating "plan exclusion - charges related to infertility." I will never forget the act of kindness and I promise we will pass it on to others. I will also never forget that not all couples are as lucky as we are and I will do everything in my power to work towards changing that. We will forever be indebted to anyone that helps us out along the way; whether it be doctors lending their expertise, friends or family helping financially, or fellow bloggers sharing their stories that others can relate to. Life is a journey not meant to be traveled alone.

AF

Dear AF, You haven't visited me since March 9th. Why would you come suddenly and unannounced in the middle of my work day? I think that is very rude! Please give me a little notice next time and don't come again for a couple of months. I haven't missed you! Love, L