Adoption IS okay!

I really thought the whole process of my hysterectomy was going to be more emotional for me. It is so final! It means I will never be pregnant, never give birth, never feel a baby kick inside of me. I will not have a "normal" 9 month waiting period where I can announce on FB that I am pregnant, my aunts can plan me a traditional baby shower, I can go to an ultrasound and see the baby growing inside of me. I will never look at a child and say "Aw, she has my eyes, she has my husbands nose." BUT THAT IS OKAY!

Sure there was a little while in November that I had to be sad about it but my feelings have come full circle and I am very excited about our adoption. I know in my heart that there is a baby out there for us and we will be united at some point. I finally feel like the uncertainty of our infertility has ended! God planned it this way. We were meant to adopt and I can't wait to welcome a baby into our family!

Consultation

Today we had our consultation with the surgeon who is doing my hysterectomy. My endo is so bad a cancer doctor has to do the surgery. The recovery time is going to be 8 weeks no matter what. Best case scenario is that they are able to do it laproscopically (she uses robots) and I am only in the hospital one night. Scenario 2 is that there is a lot of endo and things are still connected and they have to do a full cut (I have already had this twice) and I am in the hospital 3-4 nights. Worst case scenario is that they have to do a bowel obstruction. (my ovary is connected to my bowel they just don't know how bad) I would be in the hospital at least 7 nights. We are hoping and praying for scenario one! We won't know until the day of. I have mixed feelings. It stresses me out to know I will be in so much pain again. It stresses me out to miss that much work. And it stresses me out to take 8 weeks off of work unpaid (my short term disability dropped me after my last surgery). It stresses me out that this is SO FINAL! I have a month to stress about it, my surgery is scheduled for January 21st.