Dear Birthparent Letter

Well, we are currently just waiting! Here is a link to our adoption website. Happy 4th of July weekend everyone!

PAPER PREGNANT!!!!

It's official! We received our homestudy in the mail today, we can finally let people know! Our homestudy has been given to several counties in the area incase there are any infants. We signed up for the infant adoption program at our adoption agency. We are officially "waiting!"

Hurry up homestudy!!!

I wish there was more to update! It's been about 5 weeks since they've started writing our homestudy. It can take up to 8 weeks! We've completed all of our training and we continue to work on our nursery.

Here in MN it's supposed to be Spring but we woke up to snow on the ground. Seems like we can't get out of Winter and move onto Spring much like we can't move out of the homestudy process! Urg!

Make me a Great Grandpa

I have mentioned many times how lucky we are to have so many loving and supportive friends and family. This past weekend we attended a birthday party for my grandpa. He turns 87 on Thursday! WOW, 87 seems really old! Both DH and I are blessed to still have several grandparents living. The above tree shows how many grandparents and great-grandparents our baby will have.

My grandpa was asking us about how our adoption was going. With his beautiful baby blue eyes he said "Make me a great grandpa." If he only knew how much I hope and pray each day that my grandparents will live long enough for me to make them GREAT grandparents! He then proceeded to tell me how one of the ladies at the senior center has 40 great grandchildren. With me being the oldest grandchild and the only one who is married -I don't think he will reach that goal. However, I can just see him going around and sharing with everyone he knows when he finally becomes a GREAT grandpa.

I can't wait for the day when I get to personally call my grandpa and tell him he has become a GREAT grandpa. Whether you build your family in traditional or non-traditional ways everyone should be able to experience that feeling.

I love you grandpa!

"Planning" for Adoption

I am pretty sure that the word "planning" and adoption should never be used in the same sentence. My whole life I had this fantasy as to how things would play out. I would get married, have a great career, and when ready get pregnant and start my family. I would have a cute little house, a dog, and 2.5 children. But WAIT...life doesn't always go as planned!

The planner in me is having a problem with adoption. My internal scheduler is having a hard time deciphering the time frame. And the patience part of my brain is getting lots of exercise.

I get frustrated when you go to start a baby registry and it asks me for my due date. I'm having a hard time finding gender neutral clothing and bedding. And it's hard to not even know what season we will be bringing a baby home.

In the end I know it will all be worth it!

Welcome if you are reading for the first time. After suffering from infertility my husband and I have just completed our home study. (we are waiting for our social worker to finish writing it) We will be adopting an infant domestically at some point in the future. Thanks for reading!

We're ready for our home visit!

SHHHH, sneak peak at the nursery! Yay, it's all coming together!

My mom came up today and her and DH did most of the cleaning, THANK YOU! We have most everything else in place. We opened the first aide kit so it looks like we've had in a while. We put the alcohol away (which we don't hardly ever drink, it just looked like we did) and we hid the BIG bowl of candy that DH has stashed away, haha! AND we've been lecturing the dog all week about being on his best behavior. Wish us luck!

National Endometriosis Awareness Month

Endometriosis has cost me my fertility, caused me pain since I was very young, and required me to have several major surgeries. There is still a lot that is unknown about this disease. For more information please visit the National Endometriosis Association.

Pay It Forward - ICLW

I was completely blessed when my friends threw a fundraiser for my husband and I this fall to help us fund our IVF. There are a lot of good people that deserve to become parents and it's SO unfortunate when such wonderful people are faced with the HUGE financial burden that comes with Infertility. My husband and I had MANY discussions about how we would finance our journey, if it was worth the financial burden to become parents, and the fact that we did not want to be in debt as we began our journey as parents.

My friend Mel and her husband are in the same boat that we were in this fall. They are saving for IVF. I wish I had a million dollars that I could give to deserving couples. She deserves to become a mother just like so many other wonderful women in my life.

You can follow her journey at her blog "Our Journey to be a Mommy and Daddy." On her site she has a link to a fund for her IVF and readers can donate. I have made a donation and only wish I could do more. If any readers would like to check it out I am sure she would appreciate it!

For those of you new to my blog you can get a good recap with this post. I appreciate you visiting and wish you nothing but the best in your own IF journeys. It's an unfortunate club that we are in but surround yourself with wonderful people and believe that your path eventual has an end that you will be at peace with.

Midwest Resolve Conference

I have had the pleasure of doing some volunteer work for RESOLVE. If you are not yet familiar with their services it can be a very valuable resource. This year I am attending the conference as a potential adoptive parent, next year hopefully I will be volunteering at the event and be a mom! If you have any questions please let me know. If you do not live in the Midwest check out the RESOLVE website for information about resources in your area. Here is kind of some "form" information if you are interested.

Do you know anyone going through infertility and/or considering adoption? If so, please let them know about RESOLVE's upcoming Infertility and Adoption Family Building Conference on Saturday, March 12, 2011. Early bird pricing ends February 25th.

Exploring Paths of Hope: The Midwest Region of RESOLVE's
 27th Annual Infertility and Adoption Family Building Conference March 12, 2011 * 7:30 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. * Golden Valley, MN

•FREE expert advice from Reproductive Endocrinologists, Adoption Agencies, Alternative Therapy Practitioners, Attorneys, Psychologists and other fertility and adoption specialists •FREE giveaway -- over $35,000 of prizes to be given away •19 infertility and adoption workshops •Largest conference of its type in the Midwest

The Midwest Region of RESOLVE is proud to present its annual Family Building Conference on Saturday, March 12, 2011. This conference is designed to address the medical and emotional issues associated with infertility and adoption. Attendees will learn about new treatments, be able to talk directly to doctors and specialists, explore parenting options and network with others experiencing infertility. Medical experts, attorneys, counseling professionals, adoption agencies and those who have experienced infertility firsthand will provide information regarding all aspects of your family building journey. Over $35,000 worth of infertility and adoption services and merchandise to be given away. You must be present to enter and to win. For more information and to register, visit their website.

Home Visit Nerves

It's not even scheduled yet but I am anxious about our home visit even though everyone tells me it's not that big of a deal. I'm not back to 100% to be able to clean yet (I vacuumed the other day and that was a big mistake - amazing how many muscles that uses!) We have things to do like put a few light switches on, closet doors, clean out the junk room (soon to be nursery). So we have some projects bigger than just "regular" cleaning. A few other requirements we have to work on; we need a home phone, battery operated radio, fire extinguishers, and have a disaster plan.

I am also nervous about our dog. He is two and still a little puppyish; we're going to have to wear him down the day before. I am sure things will be fine but I think I just have too much time to sit around and think about it. The exciting part? It means our home study is almost DONE!!!!!

Adoption update: We have our two day parenting class Thursday and Friday of this week. We are scheduled for our car seat class on Saturday the 26th and we need to schedule our home visit.

Surgery update: I'm recovering really well. I'm able to run short errands or go for short visits which is helping me keep sane. My husband and I had a wonderful Valentine's weekend with a couple wonderful little dates. I'm having hot flashes which is a good thing; they are annoying more than anything! I go back to work next Wednesday for just 4 hours a day. We'll see how that goes!

GO PACK GO!!!!!

Normal blogging aside, I am a HUGE Packer fan (and so is the pooch)! Big day today!

Adoption IS okay!

I really thought the whole process of my hysterectomy was going to be more emotional for me. It is so final! It means I will never be pregnant, never give birth, never feel a baby kick inside of me. I will not have a "normal" 9 month waiting period where I can announce on FB that I am pregnant, my aunts can plan me a traditional baby shower, I can go to an ultrasound and see the baby growing inside of me. I will never look at a child and say "Aw, she has my eyes, she has my husbands nose." BUT THAT IS OKAY!

Sure there was a little while in November that I had to be sad about it but my feelings have come full circle and I am very excited about our adoption. I know in my heart that there is a baby out there for us and we will be united at some point. I finally feel like the uncertainty of our infertility has ended! God planned it this way. We were meant to adopt and I can't wait to welcome a baby into our family!

Second meeting with social worker - DONE

This is a photo of all the books we have already for the baby! Hope they like to read!

We had our second meeting with our social worker the day before my surgery! It went really well! We are very excited about how well everything is going so far. We discussed our autobiographies we had written. She just had a few questions on things she found interesting or things she needed more information on. I was worried she would just focus on everything negative but she didn't.

We really like our social worker! She just has so much wisdom and you can tell she loves what she does. She tells lots of stories and gives parental advice that I find refreshing. The next step is our parenting classes the middle of February. With as well as my surgery went I am relived and feel confident that I will be able to sit through them. We also have to do a few online classes.

My recovery is going well. I feel better every day. I move around more on my own and I am less dependant on my husband. I couldn't have done this without him though, he has been WONDERFUL!!! I have had a few visitors which helps the time go faster. Yesterday I went to the doctor to have my stitches out and I was EXHAUSTED when I came home. That was enough excitement for me!

We're excited about the future!

Surgery went well!

Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers, THEY WORKED!!! They were able to do the procedure laproscopically with robots. It's absolutely amazing technology. Instead of one large cut and 6 smaller cuts I just have the six smaller, this is HUGE for recovery! I still have to remember that my insides went through major surgery. When they opened me up they could only see endometreosis. It took them 4 hours just to cut enough out so they could even get to the uterus. My surgeon said I grow scar tissue like cement (not sure that is good). The endo had EVERYTHING connected again, bladder, intestines, stomach, so everything was disrupted and had to be cut around. (this was better with the robots because they can get closer to organs). My uterus was enlarged, my left ovary enlarged with an endo cyst and my right tube had an endo cyst connected to it. This only confirms this was the ONLY solution and that IVF was NOT an option! I am home from the hospital already (makes me a little nervous) but I just made myself a nest an packed myself in the couch with blankets and pillows. My husband is being wonderful as usual. I now have to wait for the signs of hot flashes so they know that they got all the endo. I am SO lucky to be surrounded but sch a wonderful support system. I KNOW all the prayers helped! Thanks for reading!

Surgery

My surgery is Friday. If I would have posted early last week it would have been about how anxious I was! However; Thursday I started bleeding again, not my period but HEAVY bleeding like in November before my D and C. I had to stay home from work and could only take certain pain meds because it is a week before my surgery. It just confirms that things have gotten SO bad and that this surgery is the ONLY solution. I guess God just wanted to remind me of that. At this point I just want it over, I am hoping it is the less invasive procedure, and I want to recover and move on. Big week, lots of emotions, lots of prayers!

Home Study

Well, the home study for adoption is underway! They weren't lying when they said it was a lot of paperwork! So far we have turned in our first round of paper work, gotten physicals, gotten fingerprinted, and completed an online background check to be sent to the agency. We had one meeting with our social worker. She is wonderful. She has been doing this for 30 years and you can just tell how much she loves it. Just when I was all excited because I had turned in all of our paperwork she gave us more. The next step is an autobiography. We have a 5-page document of single spaced questions to answer. Hubs and I are diligently working on them (we each have our own) and turning it into a competition of course! For any that have gone through this what is your advice for the home study portion of adoption? What did you find useful or not useful?

Hoping 2011 is THE YEAR!

I am sure many of my IF friends could say the same thing! And I TRULY hope 2011 is the year for ALL of us. Even if it just means being at peace with our decisions. I wish everyone joy, fortune, happiness, and of course babies!

Recap of 2010: February 3 - laparatomy - ran into complications, endo was much worse than suspected, surgeons managed to save a portion of my last ovary, in the hospital 5 days, recovery at home 5 weeks. (dropped by short term disability due to preexisting conditions)

March - started 6 months of crazy lady shots to stop the spread of endo

April - met with first IVF clinic, felt like a number, not personal at all, started to realize the financial implications of IVF and started to weigh the risks vs benefits.

May - met with second IVF clinic, felt much better and more optimistic, we were given a 40% chance that IVF would work

June - started on new insurance that would pay a PORTION of IVF drugs and possibly some procedures

July - last crazy lady shot, now just waiting for a "normal" AF and had to lose 10 more lbs

September - started to bleed, hmmm, must be really bad after being on lupron for 6 months? is this normal?

October - ok, bleeding for 6 weeks, VERY heavy, THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!

October 22nd, my WONDERFUL friends through us a fundraiser for our IVF, we were SO blessed to have them help out with the financial burden we were facing

November 10 - ultrasound shows thickening of uterine wall and polyps

Nobember 18 - D and C (2 day recovery)

December 1st - Follow up with doctor. BAD NEWS. She consulted with the IVF clinic and they are not willing to even attempt IVF. There is too much fluid around the ovary, the ovary is still connected to the bowel, and the abnormal uterine wall would most likely not withstand an implanting egg. Hubs and I grieve the loss of our biological child. (we expected the news but it was very hard to hear).

December 15 - Attend orientation with adoption agency

December 20th - receive first portion of the adoption home study. Consultation with the surgeon who will do my hysterectomy and schedule it for Jan. 21

Have a WONDERFUL NEW YEAR!!!! 2011 is where it is at!!!