Ups and Downs

One day I am picking out baby blankets; the next I am freezing a casserole to prepare for my surgery! I can't wait until that is OVER so I can fully look forward to being a mom. On the surgery front I am preparing to have EIGHT WEEKS off of recovery. On the adoption front we have started the first part of our home study. (so far a lot of paperwork, we have to get physicals, finger prints, submit a background check, and fill out MORE paperwork) We have 3 friends who are writing us reference letters and filling out questionnaires on us. After the first part is completed we have our first meeting with our social worker. Did everyone have a good Christmas. For my IF friends the holidays can be really hard and I think of everyone often!

Consultation

Today we had our consultation with the surgeon who is doing my hysterectomy. My endo is so bad a cancer doctor has to do the surgery. The recovery time is going to be 8 weeks no matter what. Best case scenario is that they are able to do it laproscopically (she uses robots) and I am only in the hospital one night. Scenario 2 is that there is a lot of endo and things are still connected and they have to do a full cut (I have already had this twice) and I am in the hospital 3-4 nights. Worst case scenario is that they have to do a bowel obstruction. (my ovary is connected to my bowel they just don't know how bad) I would be in the hospital at least 7 nights. We are hoping and praying for scenario one! We won't know until the day of. I have mixed feelings. It stresses me out to know I will be in so much pain again. It stresses me out to miss that much work. And it stresses me out to take 8 weeks off of work unpaid (my short term disability dropped me after my last surgery). It stresses me out that this is SO FINAL! I have a month to stress about it, my surgery is scheduled for January 21st.

Adoption Orientation

Well, we have turned in our application for domestic adoption with a local adoption agency! We are very excited about our decision. It finally seems like there is an end in sight. I plan on kicking butt on the home study and "speeding" (as much as you can speed) through it. We are pursing domestic adoption of a newborn-12 months. That is about our only criteria. We are excited to see where this journey takes us. (and the planner in me would love to start organizing the nursery)

Just can't do it...

I just can't seem to bring myself to make my change my site from an IVF blog to an adoption blog. I'm becoming more comfortable with it but there is something about putting it in writing that makes it seem more official. I've been researching the transition from infertility to adoption and haven't found a wonderful source yet. If anyone knows of any please let me know.

Numb

I wrote a post yesterday but deleted it. Here is a message I sent out to some of my closest friends that have been very supportive and loving. We found out some very bad news yesterday. It is too dangerous for me to even attempt IVF. My condition has worsened and I had a lot of abnormal bleeding and underwent a D and C last week. My ovary now has fluid around it and is still stuck to my intestines. (they can not risk stimulating the ovary) The endometreosis is now in my uterus and I have a condition in my uterine wall that is hardening it. (this eliminates the possibility of an egg donor or embryo adoption) The only solution is a full hysterectomy. The operation will not be an easy one and has to be done by a cancer doctor due to the endo connecting things that should not be connected. We meet with the surgeon on December 20th and we will know more after that. We appreciate everyone’s thoughts and prayers as we mourn the loss of our biological child. Once time has healed us we will look forward to starting our journey of adoption. Every penny we have saved up and continue to save up for IVF is still in our “baby savings account” including everything made at our fundraiser. Adoption is equally as expensive but at least we will for sure have a baby in the end. Even in all of this there is some silver lining. We are thankful to find out now before we have invested much more time and money into IVF. We are thankful that nothing found was cancerous. And I am MOST thankful for my wonderful husband who has been so supportive and loving!